THE TALKING SNAKE

You often have to deal with atheists ridiculing the “talking snake” in the Garden of Eden parable. They literally take it literally. Well, literally take this you smug shmucks, we have a live one. His name is Cyril and he runs the fool’s paradise you live in. How’s that for irony? Forgive me, what was I thinking? You guys can’t even tell a metaphor from a burning bush. But on to higher cerebral matters.

After the snake ousted the grinning hyena, there were celebrations. For the atheists reading this, unable to keep up with the metaphors, I’m talking about when Cyril Ramaphosa took over the lead looting role in Zimbabwe-by-the-sea from Jacob Zuma.

The beleaguered rand surged on the news and the snake looked and saw that it was good. He bought millions of dollars with his rands. Then he decided to strike with a cunning masterplan that would make him millions overnight – all it took were three words – “Expropriation without compensation” and he cashed-in, with his beaming smile and a glint in his snake-eyes.

He saw that it was good and how easy it was, so he took the millions he made buying rands with his cheap dollars and decided to have another go. He made a promise that he would root out corruption and the rand surged again. When you speak with a syrupy forked-tongue, your words are tantalising and powerful. Ask Eve.

Then he struck again – he pardoned the dozens of his slithering comrades involved and only arrested the half-a-dozen colonialists involved, and the rand got whitewashed by the dollar again. It was all so easy for the talking snake and nobody even suspected his antics.

Even when Donald Trump tweeted and the rand rallied, he took advantage of the upswing, downswing bonanza again – this time all he had to say was “there are no farm murders in South Africa” – he isn’t twice as rich as Donald Trump for nothing.

Then came the big junket in Davos and he spotted another opportunity – this time on an international stage. He got his best pal, Pravin the toad, to do the lying this time around. Cyril likes using frogs – they pay him their taxes, while he slowly turns up the heat in the saucepan, without them noticing that the water is gradually getting hotter. He has even fooled Pravin into believing that he is the chosen frog and that he won’t be boiled alive along with the others.

The chosen frog said that “the sanctity and independence of the Reserve Bank is sacrosanct”. The rand breathed a sigh of relief – Cyril the snake saw that it was a good time to shed his skin again. It would give the rand enough time to lick her wounds and recover sufficiently, before he struck again. Once again, all it took was one sentence – “we are determined to nationalise the Reserve Bank” and he banked millions with the same kind of effortless ease a Thai snake handler in Bangkok handles a cobra with.

If you aren’t following this, let me sum it up for you. Cyril is currency speculator – much like George Soros is. He knows ahead of time how what he says will affect the currency. He knows what to say to weaken it and he knows what to say to strengthen it and he makes money both ways.

And you my frog friends are getting screwed both ways.

©Mayhemfiles2019